At lunch today, a few co-workers were discussing some of the more prominent miracle-plays to happen in our favorite childhood sports movies, and that inspired me to create a top-ten power-ranking. These rankings are solely based on how awesome I think something is in comparison to something else that is not-so-awesome.
10. The Underhand Toss
Film: Rookie of the Year
Synopsis: Our teenage hero, who gained Big League pitching strength after breaking his arm and having it heal super-strong, loses his ability in the big game. He only needs one more strike, and since he can't pitch for crap without his magic muscle arm, he does the underhand toss as a tribute to his mom's softball days and K's the big bad mighty Casey on the opposing team. Lame.
9. Miss Jonathan Brandis
Film: Lady Bugs
Synopsis: A girls' soccer team really sucks, so the coach puts in his girlfriend's soccer-star son - dressed in drag. He/she whups-up on everyone and gives the team some confidence, so they can eventually win on their own. Also, still in drag, Brandis sneaks into a girls' slumber party/skinny dipping event - this deserves an honorable mention.
8. Michael Jordan does Stretch Armstrong
Film: Space Jam
Synopsis: While playing golf with Bill Murray, Michael Jordan gets sucked into a cup on a green and is transported into Looney Toon land. He is forced to play against martian cartoons, who have hijacked NBA players' abilities. On the last play he stretches his arm like 50 feet to almost dunk/weak layup for the win.
7. The Crane
Film: the Karate Kid
Synopsis: Some kid gets beat up a lot at school, so his karate teacher tells him to stand like a bird and then kick at people, and it actually works.
6. "Get In Your Home"
Film: Happy Gilmore
Synopsis: Adam Sandler tries to get his golf ball in the cup via forceful verbal confrontation; it does not work. So, he gets a hockey stick putter and that works pretty well.
5. Jamaican Bobsled Team
Film: Cool Runnings
Synopsis: Jamaicans are pretty good at push-cart races and running, so a handful of mediocre athletes decide to run and push a sled on ice ... in Canada ... in the Olympics.
4. The Knuckle Puck
Film: D2: The Mighty Ducks
Synopsis: Some kid from the hood figures out how to defy gravity with a hockey-puck, making it impossible to stop. This kid-actor now does bit parts on SNL and gets paid in goodburgers.
3. Science vs. Nature - led by Squints
Film: Sandlot
Synopsis: A beast is holding a Bell hostage ...er, sorry wrong movie ...is holding a ball hostage that was signed by Babe Ruth. The schmuck kid that took it from his step dad's trophy case and actually played with it ("...and actually played with it"?) is lucky that he has faithful and smart friends that help him get it back. Benjamin "squints" Palladorus, plays lookout as the crew works a colossal erector set machine, complete with catapult. They try to launch the ball out of the beast's yard. But, the beast apparently has massive hops, and can jump out of the atmosphere, so he stops it ... and the Sandlot team loses.
2. The Flying-V
Film: Mighty Ducks 1 and 2
Synopsis: Emilio Esvatez is from Minnesota, so he likes geese, so he comes up with the "Flying V," otherwise known as the wedge. This juggernaut formation is nearly unstoppable, that is, until the team meets Iceland in D2.
1. The Annexation of Puerto Rico
Film: Little Giants
Synopsis: Rick Moranus is coaching against his brother's team, the Cowboys. His own team is pretty bad, so they rely on quick thinking and Divine intervention. To win the game, the kid that is smarter than John Madden (not a big accomplishment), computes some facts and figures on his Apple Green-screen, and "poof" the Annexation of Puerto Rico is born. The QB hikes the ball and sets it down behind the Center, who picks it up and holds on to it while everyone runs around trying to figure out where the ball is. Once the coast is clear, the 250 pound 8 year old starts his 90 yard trot to the endzone. He gets hammered, but the ball pops loose and gets lateraled a few times and then the kid who never gets to see his dad, sees his dad in the endzone, and of course, he gets the ball and now has the motivation to run into the endzone, so he does. Game, set, match - Little Giants for the win.
